How to Talk to People on the Telephone

Waited all morning for a Tintin competition prize to arrive and nothing. My mum waited all afternoon, after I went into a rage and decided to go out, and still, nothing. Very annoyed with you Dego for saying DHL would deliver today and they didn't!

While waiting in the morning there was a phone call. I stupidly thought, ooh maybe its DHL calling, why the hell would they call? It turned out to be some guy from UK Accident Helpline.

-Hello I'm calling from UK Accident Helpline-
-What? Sorry, who did you say you were?
-UK Accident Helpline
-Oh. Er . . . right er, I've got nothing to do with this . . . er bye.
And then i put the phone down.

I couldn't think what to say so I said that. I heard the guy sighing before I put the phone down but I was too busy thinking how suspicious and weird I sounded.

Another strange reply/blunt reply I've given on the telephone was yesterday. I was annoyed that the phone kept ringing in the middle of a TV show. Usually someone else will get the phone first but this time it was me. When I answered, they asked if they were speaking to Mrs Hogan (my mum) and I just bluntly said 'No, you're not.' Then there was silence. My mum walked past at that point, so I just yelled 'MUM, someone on the phone for you.' She asked who and I said "A man." Handed the phone to her and walked off. I suppose this is a bad habit of mine, I (usually) never ask who is calling. But when ever I call someone else I always ask for a person and then say its me calling.

I think one of the best phone calls I've had though was when I was working at a Pharmacy. An obviously elderly woman called and I ended up arguing with her on the phone for about 15 mins and in busy pharmacy time that's a long time.

-Hello good afternoon Minal Pharmacy-
-Is that the Pharmacy?
-Yes, Minal-
-Do you have loyalty cards?
- Yes we do-
-Are you a Lloyds Pharmacy?
-No this is Minal Pharmacy-
-Then why do your cards say Lloyds?
-They don't-
-I tried to get points with my card at Lloyds but it wasn't working.
-But we're not a Lloyds Pharmacy-
-Then why does your loyalty card say Lloyds?
- (Pause) I don't know. I don't know why.
-Well that's not good is it?
-Well all I can say is that we are MINAL Pharmacy, you must have a different card or another phar-
-But it says Lloyds on your card.

And I think you can get the idea of kind of person I was dealing with. Eventually I just said yes to whatever she said and told her I was busy and had to go, I almost put the phone down on her. I should have. Learn from this, if the person on the other end of the phone is wrong, just make a dull tone sound then actually put the phone down.

The Graduation

Since June I think everyone (everyone on my course that is) had been waiting for that day. And after registering for tickets, ordering photos and robes the day arrived.

It was a 5am wake up call and a 6am leaving time. Got to the Butterfly House car park (don't ask) and waited another half hour for the bus. Journey was quick but then we had to wait outside the Arena in St Albans where we got our robes and things for another 20 minutes. Wouldn't have been that bad if it wasn't freezing cold!

No matter though, once instead everything ran smoothly-ish. Got my robes and hat (can't remember the technical term) both were too big then I went off to have a my photo done. I have to say, it looked terrible. I had three choices, they all looked the same and I looked bad. Could have been better but isn't that always the way.

After everyone was sorted and I had drank half my latte, we all walked through St Albans to the cathedral. At first it was strange walking around town in our gowns, it looked like a mass migration, a sea of black and grey. But since I wasn't alone it didn't seem so strange.

The Cathedral was packed with family and friends and since all the graduates were on the sides and couldn't see the front/stage we all enjoyed watching the ceremonies on TVs. Jan Harlan gave a speech as he was awarded the Honorary Degree of Doctor of Arts. Then the agonisingly long part pf the ceremony took place. You must know the drill, each graduate's name is called out, you shake hands with the Vice-Chancellor, get handed a piece of paper and then you have to walk through the middle of everyone watching. It over in a second. Now I am a graduate.

After the ceremony we all went out and took photos and yes we got to throw our hats in the air! Lunch with our parents and then drinks in the pub, not forgetting shots. I had dreaded this day but it turned out to be awesome. And yes, I want to frame my piece of paper.

Cake and Death: Part 2

Once Upon a Time there was this Baker who liked to poison his cakes.

He was a tall quiet man who the colour green almost everyday. He didn’t have many hobbies or many friends. He worked everyday alone in his bakery mostly because he preferred to be on his own and also to avoid hiding secrets from potential employees.

He liked to poison various pastry products and certain cakes and sponges. Not too much that it would kill someone, at least not all the time. Not too little that it had any effect on someone, so that it was obvious that something was wrong. In every 12^th baked product he would pour arsenic either as a filling or icing.

The effect the poison made on someone would only take effect on someone several hours after consuming the food. This made it impossible to pinpoint where the poison came from and the baker was never suspected.

One particularly rainy day the Baker made a batch of cupcakes, each with a fruity filling, Strawberry, banana, peach, raspberry, plum and pear. Each flavour had its own colour coordinating icing, all were bright eye catching colours which made each customer that came in notice them and instantly want to try one.

The twelfth customer on this rainy morning was a woman with red hair and her two children, a boy and a girl. She was a regular customer who always bought a loaf of bread and sometimes a few cinnamon swirls. On this day though, the children noticed the inviting cupcakes and pleaded with their mother to buy some. After to being assured by the Baker that there was fruit inside she agreed to get them one each. The boy ate the pear flavoured cupcake and the girl chose the bright yellow banana one. The woman thanked the Baker and went back outside into the rain.

The Baker went about his business. He started to wonder which cupcake had the poison and hoped that the children hadn’t eaten that particular one. Because even some bakers whose randomly poison their products feel guilty about poisoning children. Then he suddenly remembered which cake had the poison.

Meanwhile, the woman with the red hair was in her kitchen making lunch. The children were in the living room eating their cakes. The boy eating his pear flavoured cake, the girl eating her banana cake.

The next thing that happened, the boy ran into the kitchen looking worried. When his Mother asked what was wrong all he said was “I think she’s sick”.

In the living room, the girl lay on the floor, coughing and spluttering, the half eaten cake in her hand.

A Guilty Pleasure From Childhood

I don't know why but when I was younger I absolutely loved the 1954 musical 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'. But when I look back at it now, I don't think "what the hell was I thinking?" I wonder "why did a child enjoy this film so much, the story is insane and there is only two good songs in it".

 I think what attracted to me to the musical was the brightly coloured shirts and the amazing dance sequences, especially the barn building scene. And maybe because I'm fan of Russ Tamblyn, he was great in The Adventures of Tom Thumb. But when you look at the story its basically about a man who wants a wife to do all his cooking, cleaning and taking care of his six younger brothers. So he goes into town, meets a pretty woman, says he loves her, marries her then takes her into the mountains to his cabin/farm where he and all his brothers live. But oh the dream is shattered, he's an arsehole and his brothers are dirty and a tad disgusting. She cleans them up and they all go into town (in their bright shirts) and meet nice girls, dance with then then are convinced (by the older brother) to kidnap them and make them marry them. Fool. But with musicals, there is usually a happy ending and some great songs on the way so I won't say anymore about that. It is worth seeing at least once if not for the ludicrous story but for the songs and dances. Oh and the shirts. You really have to watch it to understand how amazing the shirts are.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is definitely one of my guilty pleasures and there aren't that many, as  I don't feel guilty about liking things.

I actually haven't seen it all the way through since I got it on VHS for Christmas in 2006. I loved that VHS tape. I still want it on DVD but I'm picking my moment. And I finally buy it, I will relish the childhood memories.

TV Show Conundrums and Roller Derby Update

Last night I not only thought up a new story (Cake and Death) but I also realised that I still hadn't finished Six Feet Under season 2. Is this a bad thing? I really enjoyed the first season then became less bothered with the story in the second season. I enjoyed it but there was less need for me to know what happened unlike how I am with Pan Am and Boardwalk Empire. I still have it sitting on my self hiding behind my earring tree and every now and then I think, 'Maybe I should watch this because if  I don't, I know I'll sell it if I need money'. I bought season 3 at the same time thinking I'll get hooked like I always do but now I'm starting to think I'm better off just selling it and reading the story online . . .

 I have also missed quite a few films over the past three weeks such as The Ides of March, Anonymous and I have a horrible feeling that I have missed Miranda July's new film, The Future, which I have waited years for. But I will not miss The Deep Blue Sea as I plan on booking a ticket so I can't miss it. So look out for a blog about soon.

Anyway, this Saturday, after missing quite a few games, my sister and I went to Roller Derby for the start of the new season. First was game was the London Brawling team against the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz all the way from South Dakota, USA. After a brutal game the scores were London Brawling 307-19 Sioux Falls Roller Dollz. Then after hiding our smuggled in beer from the security guard, we enjoyed a charity donut and watched our team, Steam Rollers, the defending champions play the Suffra Jets in the first league game of the season. Of course my sister and I were cheering for our favourite players including best jammer, Fox Sake. This season featured quite a few new team members and they were  awesome players. Steam Rollers won the bout 217 -128. It was a great day overall, just hope I can make it to the next bout.

Short post today.

Cake and Death: Part 1

A woman lay on her sofa. She lay perfectly still not even blinking. She stared at the yellow ceiling. She had been staring this ceiling for hours without moving, almost, without breathing.

SMASH! The woman blinked. She looked around then sat up suddenly. A sudden rush of pain went through her head. She could hear someone in the kitchen moving around, broken something being swept away. She got up slowly and walked gingerly to the kitchen, her hand holding her head even though the pain was gradually deteriorating.

In the kitchen was another woman, at least twenty years older than herself, sweeping up glass and coffee from the floor. She looked at her and smiled.

-Are you all right darling?

She took her hand away from her head, the pain completely gone now and sighed.

-Yes Mother, I’m fine. What are you doing here?

Her Mother smiled again and continued sweeping up the glass.

-I wanted to come round and see how you were; I haven’t seen you in while and thought I’d just pop round-

-Yes yes ok Mum.

She sighed again looking at the coffee on the floor.

-Did you have to break my coffee jar? I haven’t got any more.

-Sorry darling, I had wet hands from washing up and it just slipped.

-You washed up?

-Well you weren’t going to were you.

-Wait, how long have you been here?

Her Mother looked at her watch.

-Oh, quite a while now. A couple of hours?

-What?

-I came and said hello, but you were dead to the world.

-I didn’t even notice you until you dropped the coffee. How strange. I wasn’t even asleep.

-Well whatever you doing you didn’t acknowledge me. Do you want tea?

-Er, yes, some strawberry please, its over there-

-Ah yes, I see it.

She wondered back to the sofa. She looked up at the ceiling once more. There was a reason why she had stared at it all day, but couldn’t remember why.

-Here you go.

Her Mother handed her the tea sat down next to her. She looked around at the practically empty room. Apart from the sofa the only other objects were the television, a small wooden table and a bookshelf.

-Not thinking of getting more furniture then?

-No Mum.

They sipped their tea in silence for a few minutes then her Mother got up and quickly ran into the kitchen. She came back with a box.

-I made these yesterday. They should ok still, I kept them in the fridge.

She put the box in her lap and sat back on the sofa. In the box were four cupcakes, each with yellow icing on top.

Something clicked. She recalled some vivid images and realised what she had been trying to remember all morning.

-Do you not want one? Pass it here; I’m going have one if you won’t.

-You know Mum; I had the strangest dream last night.

-Oh yeh. What was it about?

-It was about cake . . . and I think murder.

-What? Cake and Murder?

-Well actually it was about a baker, I think he was the murderer. I just remember bits and pieces.

She reached inside the box and took out a cake. She carefully unwrapped it and took a bite. The cake was delicious. As she chewed, the dream started to come back to her.

-So what happened with this baker?

-Well it all started like this:

Once Upon a Time there was this baker who like to poison his cakes . . . .

To Be Continued