Losing That Christmas Feeling

 Over the years I've battled to keep Christmas as Christmas. I'm a creature of habit. I like my Chrismas tree, making a deal of the lights and decorations. I usually make cards and send them out. I love baking some cakes, biscuits and treats and taking them to work (even to my terrible previous job) and giving them to my family. I even loved present hunting and wrapping. My favourite part was placing them under the tree then of course having the person unwrap it. Watching all my favourite Christmas films, mkaing sure I watch them all and a few new ones. I even loved the lights being switched in on various local places. But this year just isn't the same.

It might be to do with a recent loss in the family, which I know has dampened spirits but I was feeling like this before it happened.

Usually by this time, I would have bought half the presents, planned and most likely made a few treats, the cards would be made and ready to be posted and I might have already scheduled some Christmas movie outings. But I have done none of that. I have horrible feeling that this the time when Christmas feels less special. It happened with my birthday a few years ago. I just didn't want to do anything and this year I was more excited about buying film festival tickets. I also started another new job so was preoccupied but its sad when you don't get excited anymore. Christmas might be heading that way.

For the last few years I have been battling to keep the decorations up and present giving. Certain family members didn't want the tree up last year or the year before and someone wanted to start secret santa with family. Secret Santa is something you do with colleagues you don't know very well and its an office tradition not a family one. We also usually play games too, mostly card games which I look forward to every year but last year they were cut short because people would have rather stared at the TV. Nobody wants to do anything... I volunteered to cook Christmas dinner which was met with a no confidence vote and everyone suggesting that others cook and I can 'help'. At this point my Christmas spirit is being seriously smashed down to pieces.

It might be to do with my mind frame and my position. Last year I was at a thankless job where I could let my mind wonder and plan. I worked weird hours so I was forced to work around it and had something to look forward to. This time it's different, I'm at a job I like but with health issues and other things going on, Christmas seems to be slipping away.

Sorry for the rambling post. Sometimes its good to write thoughts out but not always good to read them.

BUT I won't give up without a fight. I have bought a couple of small presents and I plan to raid the Tiger store this week for Christmas ideas. Plus I've started my shopping list for dinner and buying ingrediants for a bake coming soon. At least at work the Christmas spirit is alive, we have our decorating planning meetings already and I've already decided which Christmas films I'll be watching at the cinema. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel but I've just got to work harder at it.