Every year I have the same reactions to my birthday. I get excited that its my birthday and want to plan a big night out or something to mark the day, then I panic and whine that I don't want to get older. I've been reacting this way since I was 20.
We've all had bad birthdays but I think my 21st was just the worst, which is most probably why I panic after getting excited. For my 22nd I just wanted comb over it so my sister and I travelled to Berlin on my actual birthday. My last two birthdays have been great, had so much fun with everyone. This year was more of the same, drinks and dancing. There was a spot of bother with the place I reserved, a bar I hadn't been to before but they managed to not book a table and lie about the music, but after than the night got better.
My original plan was going to be something bigger and more significant. I had wanted to hire a bouncy castle and have a party at my home but because I am without funds to live on my own, I was told by my parents this bouncy castle and party would not be happening. I thought that this would a symbol for me not wanting to get older and that we're still children at heart blah blah blah and I really wanted a bouncy castle. Maybe next year.
After recovering from the night before I woke up, on my actual birthday, hungover. I felt that nothing had changed, in a good and bad way. I had my fun but I was now in danger of sleeping the whole day away then I fell asleep again. The day was chilled out and it was great there was no pressure to do anything at all. I ate with my family like it was a normal day and I proceeded to take several naps and watch Tintin. My heart did sink a little bit. I had hoped that maybe there was a small cake for me and I could blow candles but there wasn't. We used one of the cake biscuits, something I made the day before and stuck a candle in it. When I was younger and in fact many year after that, my mum would play Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday song to wake me up. She did this for everyone's birthdays. I was usually getting ready for school and I'd open my cards and presents in my room. My parents used to leave them in my room the nigh before for me. But last couple of years thats changed.
Just like Christmas, when you're forced to grow up and let go of things you used to enjoy, its happened with my birthday. I hoped to hang on to the childish things just that little bit longer but nope, at 25, you can't expect this.
Next year if I still haven't got my bouncy castle, I think I'll go away again, I've escaped it once, I can do again and I just know I'll be a mess at 26, oh gad I don't want to be old. Note; I'm smiling while writing this last bit.